


Come Here

by DiazTuna



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Before Sunrise/Sunset AU, F/F, I finally played with time in a story, and angry car monologues, brought to you by intense anti dead forest tree emotions, men are useless and I just wanted to emphasize that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:39:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10093424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiazTuna/pseuds/DiazTuna
Summary: Before Sunset/Sunrise AU.Regina is an author in the middle of a Q&A when she sees the face of someone she hasn't seen in ten years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There's a wind that blows in from the north  
> And it says that loving takes its course.  
> Come here. Come here.  
> No I'm not impossible to touch,  
> I have never wanted you so much.  
> Come here. Come here.  
> Have I never laid down by your side?  
> Baby, let's forget about this pride.  
> Come here. Come here.  
> Well, I'm in no hurry.  
> You don't have to run away this time.  
> I know that you're timid,  
> But it's gonna be all right this time.
> 
> -Come Here by Kath Bloom 
> 
> There's no prior knowledge needed. I watched Before Sunset when I was 12 and it changed my life forever. Some lines are taken from the Before Sunset and Before Sunrise screenplays and some are inspired by them But this is what sparked the story for me, thinking of Regina: 
> 
> Celine: You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No," but at least they could have asked! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault, because I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is EVIL! Right?!

It’s an early summer day and she can _see_ the heat that will dissolve into some sort of humid coolness once the Sun is down. Not that Regina will still be here to enjoy it. She is so preoccupied with thoughts of the world outside this corner bookstore that she almost misses a question being thrown her way.

 

“Was the book autobiographical?” Regina repeats and makes sure to hold her gaze on the woman who had asked it. She nods with a slight smile.”Well, do you think I was queen of an enchanted forest once?”

 

The woman laughs and recognizes answer for what it is, the best way to avoid unwanted questions is to answer unasked ones. “Isn’t every work of art autobiographical?”

 

“But are, how do I say his, are the Queen’s less fantastical elements based on you?” The dreaded question.

 

“Did losing young love irrevocably change the course of my life? Did it to the Queen’s?” Regina feels heat building up in the back of her neck and feels her legs becoming restless.

 

She looks over at the small group of people gathered for her reading and the following Q&A, they’re a good group. Mostly young women, for some this is probably their first assignment. Regina is grateful but can’t help but wonder about the time and think she would rather not be here. Given the choice, she wouldn’t be. Even so, it’s preferable to what comes after.

 

“Well, that’s a good test isn’t?” Regina takes a sip of her water as she examines their confused faces. “If you think that the source of her darkness was losing it then you’re a romantic. If you don’t, then you probably love symbolism.” They laugh and she’s relieved.

 

“What do you believe, Ms. Mills?”

 

She turns her eyes toward the girl but instead of her gaze falling on her it falls on a woman who is trying to remain inconspicuous and failing. Her breath catches when she recognizes the mass of blonde hair falling on her shoulders. The lips biting down a smile, a dumb smile. “ _Hey, get off the train in Vienna with me.” And Regina scoffs and crosses her arms. “If I turn out to be a freak you can just catch on the next train to Paris, right?” Her eyes are so wide and hopeful. “Get my bag.” She rolls her eyes at Regina, biting down a smile, a dumb smile._

 

“To put it in my father’s words, ‘hay que cosas que no se cuentan’.” Three or four girls laugh and that’s enough for Regina, even if she can barely breathe.

 

“But..”

 

“I’m afraid we’re going to have end it right there, our author does have a flight to catch,” Her agent cuts in with that fiery tone that makes Regina remember just why Henry had nicknamed her Dragon Lady. “You can help yourselves to the food and drink in the back.”

 

Regina gets to her feet smoothing down her skirt, trying to keep her attention focused on Mal. Still, from the corner of her eye she watches a grey tank top standing still by non-fiction. She’s waiting, like Regina hoped she would.

 

“When did you say I have to be at the airport?” She clears her throat and puts her purse over her shoulder.

 

  
“Seven-forty, at the latest. So you’ll need to get going by seven,” Mal looks at her like she recognizes anxiety, she knows Regina is searching for an answer different than the truth. “I’ll have your bags put in the car and ready to go. Call your driver if you’re running late.”

 

“Of course.” Regina stretches her lips into a smile. “I’ll call you from the other side.”

 

Her heart is pounding against her ribs, for a moment Regina swears she can feel her bones vibrating along with it. She blinks to make sure that it isn’t an apparition that’s in front of her. Hands in her pockets and no longer pretending to be interested in a book on Imperial Russia. Now she’s grinning.

 

“Hi,” Emma says like it’s been a day and not ten years.

 

“Hi,” Regina says taking one last look at the rows and rows of books, the pile that belongs to her. “Want to get coffee?”

 

“Didn’t Dragon Lady over there just say you have a plane to catch?” For a moment Regina is dumbfounded before she lets out a laugh.

 

“I think we have time for coffee. It’ll be fine.” Regina says walking out onto the street. “You’re wasting my precious time.” She says without a bite.

 

Emma shakes her head before she follows her out. Her hair looks just the same as it the summer of ten years ago. It still curls slightly at the ends.Still looks golden with the Sun.

 

“There’s a place I like down that way.” Emma motions for her to follow and takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe you’re here!”

 

“It’s strange to say the least.” Regina replies praying her racing pulse hasn't translated into a blush.

 

“Are you sure you don’t have to go back and um..talk to those people?” Emma’s eyes shift a little, like they did that day whenever she worried Regina might walk away.

 

“No, no. I think I’ve given them plenty to write about.”

 

“I bet you did.” She is so amused by Regina, like she knows every corner of her. “ _Come on, when was the last time you ate garbage?” She has bread crumbs and sugar all over face. “You’ve known me for a whole 3 hours.” “Been a while, huh?”_

 

“How did you know I’d be at the bookstore?” Regina dares to ask.

 

“What makes you think it wasn’t a coincidence?” Emma licks her lips because she’s aware how implausible that sounds. “Saw your face on a flyer I got handed not too far from here. Weirdest moment of my life.”

 

“Did you read my book or just keep the flyer?”

 

“Used it as a bookmark.” Emma replies without a hint of mockery.

 

“What do you think of it?” She realizes, by the hitch of her voice, that she has never been this nervous about it.

 

“It’s,” She hesitates and Regina feels something sink deep inside. “It’s just so you.” Emma says so sure of her words.

  
“It was that bad?”

 

“Wait, what? Regina, no.” Emma’s eyebrows meet as she looks at her. “I just meant, I could tell you wrote it. It sounded like you.”

 

“We were together for a day.” Regina points out and silently chastises herself over her choice of words. “ _How about we meet right here again?” Emma  asks holding her hands in hers. “OK, how about a year from now?” “What?! A YEAR?” “You’re right, that’s too long.” “Six months?” She asks with the grin on her lips hiding how her eyes were watering. “OK, December 12th. Platform 14. Remember that.” “I will, I will. Now go, before you miss your train!” Regina pulls her to kiss her one last time and one kiss turns to three frantic ones._ “Wait, I have to know. Did you show up that winter?”

 

“Uh..no. I didn’t.” Emma shrugs and Regina feels the smallest of stings. “Couldn’t scrape the cash in the end. Why,did you?”

 

“No, I couldn’t. Something came up at the time.”

 

Emma blows air through her mouth. “That’s a relief, really would’ve sucked if one of us would’ve shown up and the other one wasn’t there.”

 

“Can’t even imagine what that would’ve been like.” Regina says picturing herself holding on to the gray bag she’d used as a student, her hair down in a braid and her purple scarf wrapped around her neck.

 

“We’re here.” Emma says, the timing all too convenient.

 

It’s a small cafe with decor that is meant to be quirky and eclectic but ends up coming short. There is barely a table available and Emma rushes to claim one by the window. “Sit, they’ll come take our order.”

 

She’s right before Regina has a time to set her purse down a waitress is right there with a notepad and menus that are too big to be useful.

 

“Are you eating in or just coffee?”

 

“Just coffee. A mocha, two sugars. You take black, one sugar, right?” It comes so easy to Emma that it catches Regina by surprise .

 

“You remember that?”

 

“I remember everything.” She replies with something that would’ve been a smile given another second.

 

“It’ll be back in a minute.” The waitress says.

 

“Do we even have a minute?” Emma sits at the edge of her chair, expecting to be told that their time is up.

 

“We have a lot more than that.” Regina reassures her. “I always assumed you had forgotten all about me.” She confesses feeling Emma’s eyes on her, remembers she liked feeling her gaze whenever she looked away.  

 

“Please, lady.” She laughs and Regina glares at her. “See like that? I haven’t had anyone look at me like that in ten years.”

 

“I hardly think that’s true.”

 

“You’d be surprised, most people find me charming.” There's a hint of doubt in her voice.

 

“You’ve persuaded more women to jump off trains with you, then?”

 

Emma bites her lips. “No, that was just...that was just a one time thing.”

 

Their coffees arrive and Regina savors the bitterness of hers. _“This is a terrible cup of coffee.” “Well yeah, with only that tiny bag of sugar you put in it.” “That has nothing to do with it.” “Don't know why you’d that to yourself.” Emma sticks out her tongue as they sit on the stairs leading down to the river._

 

“Do I look any different?” She asks her tracing the rim of her admittedly distasteful looking mug.

 

Emma leans back on her chair and cocks her head to the side. “Your hair is shorter.”

 

“That's it?”

 

“You have a little line here.” She smiles as Regina she rubs a finger between her eyes. Regina's finger reaches to touch that very place on her brow, feeling it furrow. “Don't, I like it. What about me?”

 

“Maybe a little thinner around the chin.”

 

“Finally lost that baby fat.” She hasn’t taken her eyes off her. “It’s funny, the other day I had a nightmare that I was twenty-three.”

 

“A nightmare?” Regina asks slightly confused

 

“Well yeah. I mean, sometimes you’re glad that time is over. Wouldn't want to relive it.” It unnerves Regina how much this person who should be a little more than a stranger sees. “I was twenty-two when we met.”

 

Despite herself Regina feels her chest deflating with relief, something untangling within.

 

“I guess I know what that's like.” Suddenly that fresh looseness sits there uncomfortably, like too much has been uncaged. “Sometimes I hear people reminiscing about the past but I bet if you caught them four or five years ago they'd be doing the same.”  

 

“Glad we’re not one of them.”

 

Regina hums in agreement. “So you think about the future?”

 

“Uh..What?” Emma seems to be caught off guard.

 

“If you're not living in the past then maybe you’re one of those living in the five minutes from now.” She sets down her empty mug and tries not dwell on ticking clocks.

 

“I try not think about it, actually.” Emma rubs at the back of her neck. “Just taking it at one day a time.”

 

“The rare person living in the present.” She gulps down whatever left of the taste of her coffee. “ _Now or never, is that right?” Regina looks at the boxcar of the old Ferris wheel. “Yeah, something like that.” Emma takes her hand for the first time._

 

“Isn’t too bad right now.” She says carefully, like she’s building a house of cards. “At least, I don’t think so.”

 

“It’s not. It’s not bad at all.” Regina taps her mug and just like that decides that she’ll live second to second. “I’ll be stuck in airports and planes for at least eight hours, I feel like walking around for a bit.”

 

“And you want me to come?”

 

Regina can only look at her as she pulls out a ten dollar bill and places it under her mug.

 

“Right, OK.” Emma almost losing her balance as she follows her out. “Where are you flying to anyway?”

 

“London. My agent got it in her mind that I should do summer book festivals.” Regina looks up and sees the beginning of that paleness in the sky. It has been so long since that meant something.

 

“Like a tour?”

 

“Not quite. She claims this is much better, and today was meant to kick it off. A sort of transatlantic strategy only she understands.”

 

Emma leads them to a park, what should be the long way back to the bookstore. It’s like any other park, the type that would have her taking off her heels to chase after Henry

 

“Sounds like it could be fun,” She catches Regina’s pressing her lips together. “Or really fucking exhausting, if you're doing it alone.”

 

“My..Uh..boyfriend, Robin, is meeting me at the airport,” The term never sounded right to Regina but the alternatives aren’t any better. “Our schedules coincided for the first time and well he decided to tag along for the first festival.”  

 

“Oh, that's good. Good.” She asks keeping her eyes on the did path in front of them. “You got kids?”

 

The breeze runs past them and she finds herself wanted to catch it.

 

“Henry. He’s five, he’s all cheeks and Dr. Seuss.” Regina knows she’s smiling her mother smile by she aches. “He just learned how to tie his laces and everything in my house has bunny ears.”

 

“Sounds like a great kid.” The half smile she gives her looks broken. “Where is he now?”

 

“Back home in Maine with a friend. It killed me to say goodbye to him this morning. Marian is bringing him over in a few days, we’re staying with my sister for the summer.”

 

“Wait, you have a sister?” Emma touches her forearm and quickly takes back her hand. “I thought…”

 

“So did I, believe me. It’s a long story.” Regina laughs affectionately thinking of Zelena. “I don’t think either of us were too happy about the news. Eventually, however..”

 

“That’s the thing about family, right?” There’s a drop in her voice, like Emma is trying to will into something temperate. Like it’s getting harder by the second. “It’s a contradiction.” _“You must have someone waiting for you back home.” Regina believes this, because someone like Emma must.  But she shakes her head vigorously. “It’s just me. Been like that for a while.”_

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“Growing up in the system you get passed around different types of families. You know most are dysfunctional, some are downright crappy. Still, you kept hoping one would be yours.”

 

White and pink flowers and the lingering smell of orange creamsicles to tug at Regina’s senses, to make it sound like those words are light summer ones.

 

“On the days I don’t want to murder Zelena, I can see what it would have been like to have grown up with her. Someone who would have understood what it was like to…”Regina breathes in because more and more is coming undone.

 

“Someone who’d know you're not crazy? Yeah. I get that.”

 

“Or at least be crazy with you.” Regina clears her throat when she makes out the park’s gate leading back to the street. “Sometimes I worry that Henry will grow up and think these same things. I don't...I don't want to be my mother.”

 

“It doesn't sound like you are.” Emma offers her the kindest version of her smile. _“ I don’t know what mother would do if she knew I’m here now.” Regina says with a tremor in her voice. Emma looks at her as she just stumbled upon the tower that holds her captive. “She won't find out.”_

 

“Ever since I signed the adoption papers I can hear some echo of her in the back of my mind.”

 

Emma parts her lips and her eyes search her face for something. She seems glad not to have found it. “What do you do when you hear her?”

 

“Try to ignore it or do the exact opposite.” They’ve reached the sidewalk again, cars honk and bikers barely manage to ring their bells as they cycle past them.

 

“I’d say that's good enough.” Emma says with an air of finality, ready to let her go again.

 

Regina starts down the way she knows leads to the water instead of the bookstore. Away from the cobblestone and that new-book scent and towards rougher pavement.

 

“Hey! Where are you going?!” Emma jogs to catch up with her.

 

“My flight isn't until ten. I can afford a walk along the river.”

 

“Have you smelled it?” Emma scrunches up her nose.

 

“Not the point, dear.” Regina resists the urge to pull her along.

 

“You know what I said back there? I mean it. I think what you're doing is enough.” She glances at her for a moment and then turns her attention to the passing cars as they reach the crossing.

 

“How would you even know that?” And this she says with disbelief.

 

“You worry about it and try to change it, right?”

 

“Yes.” She says warily.

 

“Then you're OK. Being a person is hard work, add being a good one on top of that.”

 

The spray from the water cools her down before it sticks to her skin. “It feels like it will never end. There is never going to be this moment when you say 'Alright, I think that's as far as I go.’”

 

“I think you’d have to be an asshole to think you're as good as it gets.”

 

“Or your typical man.” Emma barks out a laugh as Regina says it. “You sound like you have experience in this.”

 

“With asshole men? It's what I do for a living,” She tells her with just enough pride to make her expression turn playful. “I’m a bail bondsperson.”

 

“What's that like?” Regina raises her voice over the seagulls overflying them.

 

“Can't wear those shoes to begin with.” Emma says pointing out her heels.

 

Regina sighs, demanding a better answer.

 

“Guess it's a weird job. You learn all you can about a person until you know what they’ll do next. Like take my last job, this guy, Ted.”

 

“What about him?”

 

“Had to look through all his Facebook likes to know he had a thing for black and white movies. Caught him coming out of a Bogart movie at the other end of the city.” She points to some vague place across the water.

 

“Doesn't sound much different from writing, to be honest.”

 

“Really?” Emma asks tying her hair up into a ponytail.

 

“You make up a story and follow it where it leads you. I assume you wouldn't have looked for that Ted person at a sport’s bar, would you?”

 

“Ted? Ha, never.”

 

“Everyone is just the sum of their details. The big things...they don't usually stick with me,” Because of that thing that has come apart in her, Regina can’t stop. “Like I remember how you have a little brown in your eyes. I didn't know your last name but I knew that.”

 

Emma stops so suddenly and her face so white that she braces herself against the railing over the riverbank.

 

“Swan.” She mumbles

 

“What?”

 

“That's my last name.”  Emma breathes out harshly. “Fuck, why weren't you there that day?”

 

“But you said…”

 

“I lied, OK?” She looks away from her.  “I was there, Platform 14. I didn’t forget.”

 

Suddenly Regina feels like she can’t stand herself, weak knees and an ache that won’t let he breathe. She lets herself fall on the bench in front of Emma.

 

“I bought the train ticket,” Regina whispers, slowly unearthing her best hidden secret. “It’s yellowed and in a desk drawer now. I would’ve been there by eight in the morning. I remember I was packing my bag, trying to decide if I wanted my red sweater or not…”

 

“What happened?” Emma’s eyes are hard, threatening to break.

 

“Mother arrived with plans to spend Christmas in Paris. She looked at my bag and she sneered, like she knew, knew exactly what she was doing. She put her arms around me and said ‘I hope you weren’t going somewhere, sweetheart.’ I just wanted to fall apart.”

 

“Regina..I..shit,” Her voice is feeble and shaky. “And I thought I had a rough time.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“Waited around the station the whole day or at least until the last train from Paris had arrived. Like a total dork.”

 

“You must have hated me all this time.” Regina gets to her feet, not quite sure that she won’t fall just yet.

 

“No, I didn’t. I was  just so angry. Why did we think it would be that easy?” She pushes herself off the railing and walks ahead of her.

 

“We were idiots. We got into our heads that it would be better if we didn’t talk or write until we met again.”

 

“That was _your_ idea.” The tease makes easier to have her within her reach.

 

“I don’t remember you fighting me on it, Emma Swan.” Regina realizes how well it fits and how if she had only known. Maybe, maybe.

 

“You think our lives would be any different if we’d met again?”

 

“We could’ve ended up hating each other for all we know.” Regina knows it’s a half baked thought.

 

“Oh, like we’re at each other’s throat right now?”

 

“I don’t know what our lives would look like if,” She says watching the Sun get weaker and weaker. “If that one thing in your life had gone right, for once.”

 

“Don’t know where I got this from, but some say a new universe is created for every decision you didn’t make. If a lot of those one things had gone right. Different versions of you living lives you can only dream of.”

 

“Then, what? A version of us made it to that platform on the same day?”

 

“Why not?” Emma stuffs her hands into her pockets. _She drops onto the seat in front of her and Regina decides that the best thing to do is to ignore her. “Sorry, some jerk three carts down wouldn’t stop calling me luv. Figured if I punched him they’d throw me off the train in the next stop.” She puts her book down and glares at her. “And you decided to sit here?” “Why not?”_

 

“It also means one version of us didn’t meet at all.” Regina points out.

 

“That, I don’t think about.” Emma’s expression changes again, it’s subtle. A barely visible crease forms around her eyes and Regina knows what she’ll say next. “Isn’t it getting late?”

 

“I’ll just call my driver and tell him where to meet me. It’s no big deal.”

 

Regina hardly registers what she says to the driver. Emma mouths street names to her and somehow they only have minutes left.

 

“I’m glad I got to see you again,” Emma tells her, half squinting as the light hits her. It’s those words with the same tone that is on the verge of goodbye that is starting to make Regina’s blood boil. “Even if…”

 

“If?”

 

“If it was just like this.” It isn’t what she’d meant to say, she knows because the Emma of then years ago always said what she meant. _“Can’t let other people tell who you are.” Her gaze burns through her. It’s so simple and so firm that all Regina can do is nod._

 

“Emma…” She breathes out in exasperation.

 

“Hey, I think that’s your driver.” Emma juts her chin out in the direction of the street and God, Regina could kill her. “Guess this is goodbye.”

 

“Why don’t you let us give you a ride home or wherever you’re going?” And she smiles, because she’s grasping at the ends of this moment.

 

“No, no. I’ll just take the subway back. Really, it’s fine.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Regina closes her hand to avoid temptation.

 

“Uh, ladies I’m not supposed to be parked here if you could hurry it along?” The driver says poking his head out the window.

 

“Look, really there’s a station like four blocks down..”

 

“Just get in the damn car, Emma.”

 

It’s cool inside the car and the driver sighs, rudely, in relief. Emma gives him her address, it’s not on the way to the airport and she looks at Regina like that’ll change her mind and make her stop the car.

 

“Isn’t this better than the subway?” She’s not so sure she can hide behind over stunted questions much longer.

 

“Yeah, definitely. Although today’s Accordion Billy’s day to play on the train so..”

 

“Oh, would you stop that!” Regina snaps and Emma looks like she’d been slapped.

 

“Stop what?” She doesn’t even look at her but at the red of the tail lights ahead.

 

“Deflecting or whatever it is you think you’re doing.” The back of her neck stiffens and she knows that vein Zelena is so fond of mocking is pulsating on her forehead.

 

“I’m not..it’s not..”

 

“Don’t you dare try to play dumb with me. This whole time you’ve been counting down the minutes until this over. Pulling away...and just stop.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Emma looks like she’s trying so hard to hold herself together, her breath is heavy coming out of her mouth. “I’m what my friend...Mulan...you’d like her, really...calls emotionally unavailable.”

 

“I don’t think that’s true.”

 

“Maybe it wasn’t ten years ago. I’m actually one of those stupid people who live in the past.” Her hand is on the handle, like she might jump off the moving car. “I don’t dream most nights. It’s good that I don’t because when I do it’s about you.”

 

“I…”Regina feels that knot in her throat that when cut releases her tears.

 

“It’s not always the same dream.” Emma glances at her, and Regina thinks she might beg her to never look away. “We’re lying in bed together, and I think maybe we had a fight. I don’t know but you’re turning away from me. I want to make it better, so..I...I touch you on the shoulder? Then I wake up in sweats. And I’m alone in my bed with my sheets sticking to me. But..really..the worst one… you get off a train and I can’t see you. And there’s the me that’s watching this happening, screaming. And I never hear me so I just walk away.”

 

“Then why are you doing that now?” Regina’s nails dig into her bare knee.

 

“It’ll be easier on me later. It’ll hurt less.”

 

“Then why find me in the first place?!” She spits out. “What could have possibly moved you to come if that’s the way you feel?”

 

“A day.” She’s lying down an accusation and her eyes are narrow, the brown in them barely even there.

 

“ _What_?!”

 

“That’s what the chapter is called, isn’t it? In your book.” Emma’s words sound like they had been born broken and had only pieced themselves together.

 

“Ye...yes. It is.” Regina stammers because it’s the chapter that had started it all, the reason why she’s next to Emma struggling to breathe.

 

“I didn’t put two and two together at first.. As far as I knew I was reading about a princess travelling in a carriage. Then the boy showed up,” She huffs and Regina feels sick. “Didn’t appreciate that, by the way.”

 

“I…”

 

“Still, maybe it wasn’t what I thought it was. But the more I read it the more she sounded like you, the more he sounded like me. There’s this bit when it’s almost sunrise in the..”

 

“In the orchid gardens.” Suddenly this moment becomes unreal, like a deja vu she can’t shake off. Regina so sure that disaster will follow it.

 

“And it fucked me up, you know? Because the princess sees that the stars were fading away and I _remember_ that.” Regina wants to tuck away that strand that’s come loose, she’s reaches to touch her when Emma turns to look at her. And then she freezes. _The sky is that shade of purple that comes with the nearing dawn and the stars are getting dimmer. Regina should be feeling dread but the only thing she cares about is Emma’s sleepy words. She kisses her because she can, because she wants to. It turns deeper, and deeper. She whines when Emma breaks away from her “Do..do..you want this?” “Yes” and then Emma’s careful fingers trace the inside of her thighs and her lips find her racing pulse._ “So I realized that...you...you hadn’t forgotten about me. It had this dumb hope that maybe I could find..that we...but it’s stupid.”

 

“Don’t say that.” And it comes harsh like she hadn’meant it to but like it always does when she’s afraid.

 

“Look, I wasn’t trying to barge into your life or anything. This was a mistake, I don’t know what I was thinking. You got a good life, and I...well I don’t know what the hell I have.”

 

“You want to know the truth?” Regina feels the first tear buring the rim of her eyes. “You ruined my life.”

 

“But you have…”

 

“Not everything, I don’t.” This is the point where Regina gets consumed. “And I didn’t even know until I saw you again. Do you know what that’s like? To suddenly be so aware of how much you haven’t been feeling for so long? Por la puta.”

 

“No,” Emma lets her knee bump into hers, just long enough for it to hurt. “Tell me.”

 

“Robin, I don’t even know what he is. But he’s gone for most of the time, and the thing is, I like him better when he’s gone. As if I like him in theory. He cares about me, he’s affectionate or tries to. He wants me. And I just...I don’t feel anything. Maybe relief when I’m out the the door,” Regina laughs bitterly as she thinks of him only understanding half of anything she says. “He hasn’t even met Henry and it’s not like I’m bending over backwards to make it happen.”

 

“Why are you with him?”

 

“Because I feel like I’m supposed to. That’s actually how he broke the ice, he said we were meant to be together.”

 

“And you fell for that?” Regina glowers at her. “Or not.”

 

“It’s not even about him. He’s no different from all the men came before. I just can’t bring myself to feel anything anymore.” Emma eyes want to ask the question, the dreaded question. “You were the only one.”

 

Emma looks like she can’t decide what she should be feeling as she nods to encourage her.

 

“I didn’t want to think about other women. It terrified me because what if I felt those things I did with you? What if I didn’t and there was only you? I didn’t know what I wanted to be true. So I just avoided it all together until I forgot about it. Or pretended I did. ”

 

“I got dumped a while ago and she told me she didn’t know what the hell I was looking for. I knew, just couldn’t say it. So I just let her go without putting up a fight because she wasn’t you. Sometimes I looked for you, sometimes I ran away from you. Neither fucking worked.” Emma means every word and Regina is glad that she does, even if they’re wrecking her insides.

 

“Aren’t we a pair?” Her head hits her seat and she doesn’t even care that the driver looks at them from his rearview mirror.

 

“Uh, that’s the building right there..Do you want me to park?” He says awkwardly but set on watching them.

 

“Please.” Regina replies knowing it sounds more like an order.

 

“There’s an alley to your right, you can wait there.” Emma tells him hoarsely.

 

It’s an unremarkable apartment building, dark brown brick and white fire escapes. There’s a bakery rounding up the corner. It smells of fresh bread and sugar when she opens the car door.  

 

Emma helps her out of the car and like that her hand is in hers. Just long enough for Regina to miss it when it’s gone. She thinks it’s so odd to hear the city move around them when it seems to her like it’s just the two of them here. 

 

“Wasn’t lying when I said I was glad to see you again. Even if I screwed up your life.” Emma hunches her shoulders.

 

“I think I might’ve given you too much credit for that.” Regina runs wipes at the corner of her eyes, the hardness that comes from dried salt.

 

“Too late, you can’t take it back now.” She looks like she’s trying to memorize her face. Emma is right is too late, they’ve crossed that line that will make this painful. It doesn’t matter anymore.

 

It’s why she gives in and pulls Emma to her. Regina puts her arms around her, feels her stiffness slowly melt away with her touch. They fit, with Emma’s arms around her waist and her chin on her shoulder. Time happens all at once then. _The streets are empty as the Sun comes up, and they’re both barely standing. Emma’s hold on her waist is gentle and Regina buries her face in her neck. It still smells of grass and morning dew._

 

“Are we still here?” She asks Regina.

 

“I think so.” They are both shaking, as if their touch had been the final push. “I’ll walk you to your door.” Regina says as she breaks away from her.

 

“What about your driver?”

 

“He’s paid by the hour, he won’t mind.”

 

They meet one or two people going up the stairs, there’s only the polite to nod Emma typical of those who never bother to learn a person’s name. It’s dark and the light that does filter is covered in dust. A dog barks somewhere above them, and something breaks below them. She lives on the fourth floor, third apartment to the left. Emma’s key goes into the lock, they turn and Regina can’t help but think of it as a thief. Taking what she only just found.

 

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Regina tries to avoid the desperate note but fails miserably.

 

“But you’ll miss your flight?” Emma says still unsure but the urgency is gone.

 

“I’ll make it on time for boarding. And if not,I’ll be that passenger that delays the flight.”  

 

“OK, but be prepared to sit for eight hours in pressurized can with people who hate you.” Emma steps aside to let her in.

 

“I’ve had worse.”

 

Her apartment is all white walls, nothing hangs from them. There are more empty shelves than full ones, barely any signs that Emma lives here. Nothing looks like it belongs to her, except the unwashed dishes in the sink.

 

“How long have you lived here?”  Regina asks noticing a worn knitted blanket thrown over the sofa.

 

“Uuh, year and a half maybe? Emma says opening the window and letting in the sweetness of sugared air. “Why?”

 

“It just seems...empty.”

 

“Move around a lot. Just got used to not having a lot, I guess. Less to throw away.” There’s a shyness to her. She hadn’t expected this, for Regina to be here.In a real place instead of a memory or a dream. Regina knows because it’s what those stings of pain inside her chest tell her.

 

“Want anything to drink?”

 

“What do you have?”

 

Emma moves past her to open the fridge and there’s a little more than its lightbulb inside. “Beer, water..and uh, flat soda?”

 

“I think I’ll stick to water.” She says sitting down on the sofa. Something presses against her back, Regina reaches for it only to find a copy of her book in her hands. Paperback, full of dog-eared pages. It looks like it’s been read a couple of times. Now the blush on her face is inevitable. Emma visibly panics as she hands her a glass.

 

“Regina, if I’d known you were…”

 

“Emma, it’s fine. You’re not the one who wrote it.” She puts it aside and gets to her feet again. Sipping from her water she sees Emma’s unmade bed and sneakers lying at the foot of the bed.

 

“Did it really feel like that?”

 

“What did?”

 

“Losing...losing..”

 

“Our chance?” Emma nods and Regina leans against the breakfast bar. “I wasn’t about to cast a dark curse, but yes. For a while, I welcomed every angry thought. Every impulse without really understanding why.”

 

“Like your mind forgot but the rest of you didn’t?”

 

“Exactly like that.”

 

Emma walks towards Regina, with her eyes so wide. The brown looks like honey in here and she’s smiling so openly. Regina wants to give her something, make this place have less echo, be something other than empty walls and dusty shelves. Regina turns around and opens her cabinets, one by one. Until she finds pasta and canned tomatoes, and thinks that should do it.

 

“Woah, Regina what are you doing?” She’s standing next to her now, not knowing where to keep her hands.

 

“What does it look like I’m doing? Making dinner.” Regina reaches for a two sauce pans. “I assume you have salt and pepper, at least?”

 

“I’m not that white.” Emma reaches behind her head and produces two shakers.

 

She sets water to boil and searches for any sign of garlic or cheese. Emma just watches her, quietly laughing as she comes closer. _It’s all ridiculous, with the moon above them in a Ferris wheel, and carnival lights below them. They both know what this looks like. So Emma laughs and Regina smiles, rolling her eyes. Her hand is still in hers and they pull each other closer. “Idiot.Stop laughing.” “OK, OK. I’ll stop.” She leans closer and Regina brushes her lips on hers until it’s undeniable that it’s first kiss. Suddenly it’s not ridiculous at all._

 

“You are going to miss that plane.” Emma inches closer, like she hadn’t dared before.

 

“I know.” Regina laces their fingers together as the water boils.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Sweets for putting up with my ramblings about this and giving it a read-through! Wouldn't have gotten written otherwise.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [like it’s been a day and not ten years](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15948473) by [rexinasofia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexinasofia/pseuds/rexinasofia)




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